Common Myths Regarding Anger

Anger is part of our daily lives, whether you like it or not. We all react differently to different factors and situations, and what might drive a person crazy, another person may cope with it a lot better. But regardless of what buttons are pushed in which situations, everybody gets angry once in a while and loses their temper. Some manage to control it better. Others, are lost. But we all have to understand that anger, along with joy, sadness, fear, surprise or happiness, is a universal emotion. Maybe 99% of the time anger is considered bad. And it is bad, however it also has various positive purposes when it comes to coping with stress. Anger energizes you, improves communication, promotes self-esteem and defends you against fear and insecurity. Because this emotion is so complex, here are some popular beliefs when it comes to anger:

Men are angrier than women

Contrary to popular belief, no, men are not angrier than women. There have been numerous surveys conducted on this particular subject, and they all concluded that women get mad just as often as men do: on average, about once or twice a week. However, men and women experience anger on different levels: men tend to report more intensive anger, while women tend to hang on to it longer. But any person, either man or woman, can turn anger into something positive if they redirect all that energy and passion anger entails.

Anger is good

As stated above, anger has a variety of positive aspects. Still, that 's all they are, aspects. On the whole, just when you think about domestic violence, child abuse, property damage, self-mutilation, and so on, needles to say that no, anger is not good.

You get more irritable as you get older

Actually, it 's quite the other way around. As people get older, they learn to cope better with their emotions and control their anger. Generally, as people age, they report fewer negative emotions and greater emotional control. Contrary to popular belief, most people tend to improve with age.

Anger becomes a problem only when you express it

Again, false assumptions. In fact, as few as 10% of people actually act out their feelings when they get angry. The rest of them? The other 90% either suppress their anger, by not talking about it, or repress their anger, by denying it. And the people who repress or suppress their anger need anger management just as much, if not more than those who openly express it.

Anger is all in the mind

This is a common belief that could not be more farther from the truth. Yes, emotions are filtered by the mind, but they are primarily physical in nature. And medicine can prove all the physical alteration one suffers when anger occurs. When you are filled with rage, the emotion is instantly manifested in muscles throughout the entire body, and its presence makes significant changes in the blood pressure, blood sugar levels, heart rate, respiration rate, temperature and so on. The physical almost takes over, before you 're aware of what 's happening.

Anger is caused by human conflict

Generally, this assumption might actually be true. But it may not be true at the same time. Yes, human conflict may be the most common cause, simply because there are millions of factors nowadays pushing the individual, and conflicts inevitably appear. But this does not make human conflict the exclusive factor leading to anger. In fact, people can, and actually do quite often, get angry just by being exposed to certain foul odors, aches and pains, hot temperatures, storms or other factors, none of which involve the actions of others.

Bottom line, anger is a universal emotion, which does not care for gender, race, social rank, age or location. It is an emotions that affects all individuals, from one end to another. We just have to learn to understand it, accept it and, ultimately, control it.

By Alexandra Burlacu

The Power of Saying No

In today’s society, we all seem to be over-scheduled and running ourselves ragged. We are continually running at an unrelenting, non-stop pace, hoping things will slow down soon. Rather than slowing down, it seems as though there are more and more demands on our time. Many of these requests for our time can be eliminated by simply saying “no”. But how many of us actually make it a regular practice to say “no” and mean it? The truth is that there is great power in saying “no”.

Each of us has been blessed with the same 24 hours each day. This is a non-negotiable fact of life. What we do with them determines our level of balance (or lack of balance, as the case may be) and fulfillment in our lives. You can’t wish for more hours (you can try, but it won’t come true). You can’t buy more hours. You can’t borrow more hours either. You just have to work with the 24 hours that you’ve got. Besides, even if you were granted a couple of extra hours a day, wouldn’t you schedule something else and end up in the same predicament of not enough hours in the day? Without allowing ourselves time to recharge our batteries, life can become very unbalanced. But, by using the power of “no”, we can regain control of our schedules and live more fulfilling lives.

Begin by saying “no” to any new requests. This will allow you to maintain your current scheduling. Obviously, this one is easier said than done, particularly when the “no” is accompanied by feelings of guilt. There’s just no room in a well-balanced life for the guilt that comes from saying “no”. You would be surprised to know that most people don’t get mad when you say no to something. They aren’t disappointed in you and they don’t hold it against you. They move on and ask someone else. You may be surprised to find out that you weren’t the first person they asked. Just because someone asks you to help, does not mean you are obligated or required to say “yes”. We only have a limited amount of time in life and we shouldn’t fill it with things we don’t enjoy. You can very politely say “no” and give a reason if you are so inclined. Perhaps say you are working on other projects or are expecting something else to come up or just don’t have the time/will/desire to take on anything else right now. If you don’t feel like giving a reason, remember that “No” is a complete sentence. Chances are, they are looking for someone to do a good job. If your heart isn’t in it or you feel pressured or guilty, are you giving it your best? Do them a favor as well as yourself, say no and let them find someone else.

Now that your schedule is not getting busier, take a look at your current volunteer activities. Evaluate them and see what you really enjoy. If you don’t get satisfaction from that activity, fulfill what you have already committed to and find something else that you do love. Life is just too short. Besides, there may be someone that really wants that position and has been waiting for it to come open. You would be doing everyone a favor.

Saying “no” should also be practiced in your professional life. This is a little more difficult in some respects, but perhaps even more important. Many people have the tendency to take on additional work to make themselves look like the model employee. But once you are overwhelmed with work, are you doing your best work on those assignments or are you barely getting it all done? Do you think you are more likely to receive recognition for the volume of work that you took on or will you be reprimanded for missing deadlines or not doing your best work? The added stress of having too much work will end up affecting other parts of your life and making you feel like you are out of balance. Some people say they thrive on the stress of having deadlines but more often than not, the quality of the work has suffered.

You are the one that holds the power to say “no” and mean it. This power can help you create a more balanced and fulfilling life with time to do the activities you enjoy. With this one simple word, you can regain control of your schedule and your life. Remember that saying “no” to one thing allows you the freedom to say “yes” to something you love.


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About the Author

April Mims is a life and career coach specializing in work/life balance issues and life and career transitions. Her coaching practice is Nexus Coaching Partners. She is passionate about empowering clients to balance the demands of a successful career and a strong family life. April invites you to a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to see if coaching could benefit you. To learn more or subscribe to The Nexus Connection newsletter, visit http://www.nexuscoachingpartners.com.

8 Ways to Instantly Calm Yourself

We all have felt anxiety before. No matter how confident and relaxed you are, you know what it’s like to be nervous before an interview, trembling before a speech, or cold and clammy over the pending results of your graded quiz.

The point of this article is to provide you with eight different ways to release this tension. There are more powerful ways in which you can relax (as we will provide in our products) however this article provides eight ways you can use anywhere. Hardly anyone will actually notice that you are using them. You will not have to sit in a meditation position on the floor, or chant mantras to relax yourself… so no worries.

Also, notice the title of this article is not “…Calm Yourself Down”. We don’t calm down. We calm up.

Calming yourself involves not detaching yourself from your environment, but integrating yourself with it while you mentally move inward to obtain steadiness. You should not feel tired or detached. You should simply become “in the zone”: Alert, focused and relaxed.

Chair Press-Up

This one’s great for if you are waiting to give a speech or if you are nervous in a group setting. Simply put your feet flat on the floor. Put your hands on the arms of your chair. If your chair doesn’t have arms, place them on the edges of the seat. Brace yourself. Now, take a deep breath, and push up with your arms and feet as you exhale. Lock your arms – let your torso hang from your locked arms for a moment while you finish exhaling… long and deep. Go limp, but remain locked in the up position. Now sit back down. You feel like a noodle, and everything is cool.

Breathing

Breathing is absolutely crucial to calming yourself. I recommend you do some in-depth research on Eastern styles of breathing, and how to breathe powerfully with your diaphragm. Breathe in strongly and slowly through your nose as you expand your diaphragm. Your stomach should rise, not your chest. Now, blow it out strongly and steadily through your mouth. Repeat this a few times. You can feel the tension leaving your body.

Spread Legs

This one may not seem like much, but it has serious subconscious value. When most people are relaxed (particularly us guys) we have a tendency to spread our legs slightly and take up more space. By consciously spreading your legs while sitting (or standing) you will take up more space, which is what we generally do when we are comfortable in a setting. Perform the action, and the feeling of comfort will follow.

Slouch Slightly

Yes, slouching is bad for your posture. Slouching for years will curve your spine. Slouching for a few minutes will not. This is another habit most people demonstrate when they are relaxed and comfortable: They slouch. So, next time you feel antsy about a situation, allow yourself to lean back your head and slouch slightly in your chair. Once again, the feeling will follow the action.

Power Hands

Powerful people are often calm, relaxed and comfortable in their actions. When they sit around a table, they often do one of two things with their hands: Steepling, or the hands-behind-the-head. To steeple, put your elbows on the table, and steeple your hands in front of your face – like the bad guy does in the movie when he’s going “M’yesss…. Muwahaha…. I can see it all coming together so perfectly…” Think of yourself as the bad guy when you steeple your hands. You know you are going to win. You steeple your hands as you turn over your master plan inside your head. Everything is falling into place so perfectly. Muwhaha. For more of a “corporate” power / relaxation effect, lean back in your chair and put your hands behind your head, lacing your fingers together. This is how bosses sit when they are talking to people who work for them. It has profound effects in making you feel more powerful and relaxed.

Anchoring

This is an incredible psychological tool we will cover in more depth in our products. Your subconscious mind anchors certain actions / stimuli with certain feelings and responses. Psychological anchors and triggers are used everywhere. It is the reason behind many strong emotional connections. If you had a song played at your wedding, hearing the song played at a later date may make you cry. The emotional event was your wedding, and you heard a song during it (the anchor). Thus, the song became tied to the feelings you felt during your wedding. Upon hearing the song again (the trigger) you feel the same feelings again.

Another example is if you became very ill once from a certain drink, you may become sick simply from smelling the drink in the future. The emotional event was becoming very ill, and the anchor was the drink. Therefore, smelling the drink in the future could make you sick very quickly. Anchors are used everywhere, in positive and negative emotions. To use them to calm yourself, develop a specific anchor every time you are calm. My anchor is to place my hand palm-down on my thigh. Every time I am relaxed, I do this, to reinforce the anchor. Then when I need to be calm, I simply fire the trigger (palm on the thigh) and my mind recreates the emotion tied to that anchor – which is relaxation. Pick an anchor you don’t use that much, such as touching your ear, or putting your hand on your knee. Do it whenever you are relaxed, and when you need to become relaxed, doing it will help to put you in that mental state.

Kill Internal Dialogue

There are many ways to do this, but here’s one good technique: If you are talking yourself into a worrisome state, or worrying while talking to someone during a conversation, do this immediately. Defocus your eyes, and open your peripheral vision. Look at two areas ahead of you, to each side. Picture your conscious thoughts in those areas. Now, draw your gaze up from both points at 45 degree angles until they meet in the high-center of your vision. Next bring the gaze straight down, so it is directly in front of you (a person’s face if you are talking to them). Now, picture your gaze coming straight back to your own head, as you return your consciousness to your own mind. Not only does it help increase focus, but the simple effort required to perform the exercise will often stop any distracting internal dialogue you are having at the time.

Centering

If you feel a general anxiety of your whole body, such as being self-conscious of your hands, feet, or body position, this exercise can work wonders. Close your eyes. Take a few deep, long breaths: in through your nose and out through your mouth. Place your tongue on your front pallet, directly above the backside of your upper teeth- this is effective in stimulating cross-lobe integration (and relaxation) in the brain. Picture a point far in front of you. Project your thoughts there in your mind. Continue breathing, and keep your thoughts there, until you are fully relaxed and have forgotten about clammy hands, sweaty feet, or mismatched socks. Once you are relaxed, slowly bring the point in front of you closer as you return to a fully aware state.

To learn more ways to master you mind and body, visit us at http://www.selfevolution.net


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About the Author

Lee Ridenour President Ridenour-Blade Self-Evolution http://www.selfevolution.net Self-Evolution focuses on the "hard" sciences of psychology and neurology. Self-Evolution also provides fitness information and daily / life strategies. Self-Evolution is the use of your past, present, and most importantly your own MIND to achieve self-actualization: to live a fulfilling life.

Top 5 Investment Tips

1) Do your research
It is very surprising to find that many investors do not put in adequate time into researching their investment opportunities. Instead they rely on what “the experts say”. Doing so may not be a bad idea at first, but in order to become a better investor you need to do your own homework and become very familiar with terms, theories and the numbers in the wonderful world of investing. Furthermore doing good solid research into an investment makes you more confident in your investment and takes away some of the worry that many people have with their investments.

2) Look to the long term
If you don’t feel comfortable in an investment for a long period of time then don’t bother investing in it. Look for long term value in an investment, and stay clear of “get rich quick” investment opportunities. Furthermore as a bonus, long term investing allows you to save a little on taxes. In most countries you get taxed on the capital gains you make on your investments. With careful planning and long term holding you can minimize the taxes you eventually have to pay on any gains you make in your investments.

3) Diversify
Diversifying your investment portfolio is a great way of reducing risk and the possibility of loosing money. But beware that diversifying too heavily can strip away potential return on investment that you may have enjoyed. Reasonably diversifying your investment portfolio eliminates some of the turbulence and makes for more consistent returns in your investment portfolio.

4) Use your extra money to invest
Don’t use money that you need to live. If you want to get into investing, it is wise to use your disposable income to invest. As you mature as an investor, then you can start using some more money from personal savings to invest. But never use money that you cannot live without to invest. In other words don’t use your rent or food money to invest, because these are things you simply cannot afford to loose.

5) Set your investment goals
An important step in investing is setting your goals. What kind of money are you realistically expecting out of your investments? Some people invest for their retirement. Some invest for their kid’s college. Different people have different reasons why they want to invest money, knowing exactly why is very important. The knowledge of where you want to end up with your personal finances makes it easier to choose the right type of investment and the way to go about it.


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About the Author

Sam Java is a writer for www.moneyeducate.com